Fantasy Footy’all 23/34 Draft Review
F.C’s People’s Prince
Draft Position 1
Grade B-/C+
Expectation Champion
First XI
Sa
Gabriel
James
Robertson
Schar
Martinez
Martinelli
Maddison
Olise
March
Haaland
When I first picked Dev’s First XI I was not impressed, it’s a good team but is it 1st pick worthy? Should March be in a starting XI of 1st pick? Maybe it should be Danny Ings but is an injury prone 45 year old replicant of Kai Romeo of Vodka Revs really a 1st pick answer? So I picked everyone’s First XI’s and well yeah this First XI is not as bad by comparison.
Keepers
Fine, Sa is real good and fuck knows about Vicario but he looks like Spuds new number 1 so that’s nice.
Defence
Solid. Big Gabby, James (when fit), Robertson and Schar all pop up with goal contributions relatively regularly for defenders and Martinez should be in a team up the better end of the clean sheet table. It gets a little muddy outside those 4 with Ake being a city defender (rotation city) and Mykolenko, Ream and Giles probably dwelling at the wrong of the table to be of much use.
Midfield
Gets a bit more interesting here. Martinelli and Maddison are good picks, they’ll score and assist a load regularly, between them I’d almost say there’s at least one goal contribution between them every GW. Olise is a good player who seems to be trading on potential for a little too long and March is very much in this squad due to recency bias. After this though we Luiz(DMF), Traore, Jensen, Berge, Eriksen and Dele whom are all just meh. Some of those lads will have purple patches, some won’t and you’ll never be able to predict when they do something so they just become really fucking frustrating.
Forwards
Upfront the cheat code has been unlocked again. Basically if City hadn’t wrapped the league up so early and didn’t have a Champs League Final on the horizon I’d say Dev would have won the FFY Championship last year due to Haaland. Well they’re back together and who knows what could happen. Aside from Vigo the Carpathian Dev has Wood and the aforementioned D.Ings upfront so I’m guessing Dev is hoping Vigo doesn’t miss a game all season because the drop off is real.
Overall
I’m torn, I’m not that impressed to be honest with this team and it also feels very Dev which can’t be a good thing as he’s never won the Championship but then equally it feels the best of a bad bunch at this point which means surely that this is in fact a good team/squad? Ok, I’ve got it. This is the best squad of all the squads (as it should be) but it isn’t a good squad. In fact I’ve been through some of the other squads and I don’t feel Dev has flexed his first pick muscles here so it’s getting downgraded for that, even when the level of quality isn’t there first pick still gets to pick the best of the rest and I don’t think this has happened, it feels very much like an opportunity missed and squandered for the man desperately chasing the big one.
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Atletico Tiny
Draft Position 2
Grade D
Expectation Playoffs if Kane stays, Goober if he leaves.
First XI
Ederson
TAA
Mings
T. Silva
Mee
Trossard
Iwobi
Antony
Joelinton
Wilson
Kane
Keepers
The keepers are probably the best combo in the league. Ederson and Fabianksi and both solid points scorers and possibly the highlight of this team. I think these 2 keepers will outscore a mad man who picked 4 but we’ll get to that soon enough.
Defence
This contains probably the consistently best defender in the game in TAA who parties with lots of goal contributions, clean sheets relatively regularly and rarely injured. Silva and Mings are solid FFY picks who will chip in with the odd goal and Mee is uber safe if not unspectacular. Only Konsa, Aurier and Dier join them in the squad which makes me feel this defence is light. Is 7 light? I guess only in you being chained to a small selection of teams results for clean sheets. On review it’s as light as some.
Midfield
I’m not a fan of this midfield. I think Trossard is an excellent pick and will bring a lot of points home with him most weekends but then we hit ‘uh oh’ territory. Antony is rubbish and I won’t have anyone tell me otherwise, Iwobi is a lovely middle of play player and Joelinton works hard and has a good attitude. These things do not win FFY games. Outside of that we have Bastien, Lerma(DMF), Willian (WILLIAN!), Onyedinma, Podence and Gray. On hindsight I think he may only pick 3 midfielders due to this dearth of talent but who knows with Tobes
Forwards
Up front is interesting. Very interesting. If Kane stays then it’s a wonderful thing for Toby and he’ll almost single handedly drag Toby into the playoffs but if he doesn’t and he’s left with *checks list* Welbeck, Wilson, Solanke and Martial then he’s in trouble because whilst that’s a list of well-known players it is not a list of prolific players. Wilson being the stand out but another year older means another season missing large chunks due to injury.
Overall
At one point during the draft I looked over Tiny’s squad and thought, shit he’s doing alright, and then I built his First XI and had to include Mee, Iwobi, Antony and Joelinton. Hmmm. Not 2nd pick worthy but it’s toby and man is never going to follow the normal conventions of this shit. So….yeah….a lot of this season is riding on, maybe even the difference between Goober and Championship too, whether Harry Kane stays or not which isn’t great as 2nd pick should really have more backup than that and not be reliant on 1 person.
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V.V Brophy
Draft Position 3
Grade B
Expectation Challenging for the Title
First XI
Onana
Saliba
Estupinan
Konate
Walker
Salah
Bernardo
Diaby
Nkunku
Isak
Wissa
Keeper
Keeper situ is absolutely a ok. Onana is United’s new shiny passing keeper and Neto is a good busy shot stopper. Fine.
Defence
Defence is good 3 of the 4 starts are solid point scorers and the other plays for city so who knows. Robinson, Mitchell, Potts, Ahmedhodzic, Udogie and Cresswell gives options I guess but I feel this is as good as it gets this year so yeah. Good. Maybe the best defence in the league? Or at least the second best.
Midfield
I thought his midfield had more juice than it does to be honest. Salah is going to Salah, he somehow scored over 200pts last year and I don’t remember him doing a thing, Diaby could be a good pickup or he could be this years Bailey. Bernardo for as good as he is doesn’t seem to contribute much in terms of goals and assists and also he might be leaving. On the bench Dango Unchained, Onana(DMF), Elanga, Neto, Buonanotte and Madueke will all play 3 times……
Forwards
Upfront Nkunku is a new player punt but if Chelsea get their shit together quickly it could one that pays off very well (we’ll find this out in about 3 months….), Isak is a great player but struggles for minutes in his favoured position due to Wilson and Wissa would be expected to step up this season to replace the goals missed by Toney’s suspension. Amdouni completes the set and all I know about him is he’ll be one of the players I have to look up every time I score him. Nice strikers but arguably they are all question marks as to whether they start every week or not.
Overall
About the half way stage, much like tiny’s team, I glanced at Brophs squad and was worried they would run away with the league but by the end I’d relegated them to good team but has issues with squad depth (there’s a theme developing here with squad depth) but equally it’s a better shaped squad with more consistent talent and goal threat running through it than 2nd pick so that’s a positive. Having come back to this my feelings towards this squad have worsened slightly, I just think that the midfield could end up being quite poor. Obvs with the OG cheat code of Salah he’s going to score big points and win lots of games but it feels like it might be all on Salahs back a bit more than you would expect from someone picking 3rd.
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Blackburn Ravers
Draft Position 4
Grade B+
Expectation Playoffs
First XI
Martinez
Botman
Guehi
Timber
Odegaard
Mount
Richarlison
Diaz
Enzo
Alvarez
Antonio
Keeper
This situ is pretty lol over here, man showed what no prep does as he picked up Hennessy and to be honest I did nazi that coming…..also got Martinez though so all is not lost but still Hennessy is not the one when you have 20 first choice keepers to pick from.
Defence
Defenders felt a bit thin on the ground, Timber is good although when he plays might become an issue, Guehi is part of a Palace defence which quite often flatters to deceive and Botty Bot Botman is part of a ridiculously good Newcastle defence which probably means they’re be rubbish this season. Elsewhere we have Trusty, Toti, Matip, Ajer and Lamptey which means Chrish is a man of attacking principle and doesn’t really value the humble defender. More of ‘have’ to play 3 rather than ‘want’ to play 3.
Midfield
Midfield is where this team shines, possibly my fav midfield of the draft but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s like having a favourite flavour of Diet Coke, ultimately, it’s disapointing but you’ve got to pick one. Odegaard with a diagonal line through the O is a top pick, Mount has a point to prove, Richarlison just can’t be as bad as last year and is a striker scored as a midfielder whilst Diaz was looking great before he basically missed the whole of last season and Enzo(DMF?) cost a lot. We also have Cook, Zaroury, Andreas, Mpanzu and Cole completing the company of midfielders. Meh, sure one of them may do something at some point but when is anybody’s guess.
Forwards
Up front could be alright yknow, Alvarez will probably get more game time this year playing with or wide of Vigo, Antonio is guaranteed a purple patch where he’s the best player in the league only to be followed by 5 months of absolute fuckery, Ferguson will be better and could really break out this year until you remember he’s Northern Irish so 5 goals a season is probably his max and mean. DCL…..who knows, if he stays fit he can get to an elite level but to be honest with you he won’t and can’t so yeah and completing the forward line is Nketiah who probably won’t play in his favoured position ahead of any attacking midfielder in the squad but he runs around a lot so that’s nice.
Overall
Aside from the complete lack of prepping, the reliance on his gracious host and the constant holding up of the draft it’s probably not that bad from Chrish, almost good. Feels like his midfield will carry his team completely but there’s a couple of defenders who could return well. Up front is stacked but will require rotation and luck to really get anything worthwhile out of them but a decent squad from the man who hasn’t really suffered from any ring rust after being hounded out of the game in an earlier year.
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A.C. Barella
Draft Position 5
Grade B
Expectation Playoff/Championship push
First XI
Alisson
Dunk
VVD
Ruben
Trippier
Fernandes
Ramsey
Gibbs White
Bowen
Mbuemo
Jesus
Keeper
AC Barella are having a Goalkeeper party and if you’ve brought your gloves you’re probably invited. Alisson is the head of this particularly large keeper table but he’s backed up by Kepa, Steele and Sanchez which is as comical as it is ridiculous. So Alisson is Alisson and will pick up 27 caps this season and then we have a fucking weird merry go round where Sanchez was number 1 at Brighton but he lost his place to Steele who has subsequently been replaced by some Dutch lad. Sanchez has then gone to Chelsea to probably replace Kepa. Any which way you look at it it’s a mess and Rudi has to play 4 keepers 3 times which will suck as 2 of them are almost certainly no.2’s who won’t get much game time. Lovely. 4 fucking keepers. Jebus H Christie. Expect Steele and Kepa to fuck off in the nDo. 4 keepers, just absurd.
Defence
Joining VVD, Ruben, Dunk and Tripps is Andersen, Bell and Perisic which I’ll be honest feels light but probably isn’t. Andersen much like Guehi previously flatters to deceive, Bell plays for luton so who cares and Perisic could find his time on the pitch limited with a new manager in place who I presume will be looking forward and not back in time for when Perisic was remotely good. Tripps is king here but if Citeh and Pool sort their constant conceding out it could be some big points weekly here.
Midfield
Bruno is a great pick up, captain, penalty taker and generally most things good about United run through him, Ramsey is a player who has grown each season and brings in a decent attacking points tally, Gibbs White could be on for a big season and Mbuemo was my secret weapon I never got to pick for the season. He scored 150 pts last year being scored as a striker but will now be the focal point of the attack with Toney suspended and he's being scored as a midfielder, Rudi genuinely could have a 200pt player on his hands there. Bowen makes up the First XI and he’s joined in the squad by Gudmundsson, Danjuma, Hoijberg (DMF) and Tonali (DMF) taking his total to 9. Nice to see Rudi keeping the DMF dream alive to.
Up front is light though but you’ve got to cut a department down to bare bones if you want to bring in 4 fucking goalkeepers. Perma crocked enthusiastic dog Jesus is already on the treatment table so one of Raul ‘I forgot how to score when my head broke’ Jimenez, New Orleans finest T. Beignet and Fabio Silva will get the nod to start the season. I presume a different one will start the next GW and again the third week until Rudi just starts playing an injured Jesus because the others will be lucky to score 5 goals between them all season.
Overall
Initially when I looked at the team I liked it but then I dug a little deeper and it seems mostly surface beauty. I think this team would do better in an actual game rather than in FFY. Your points demons will be Trips, Bruno and Mbuemo. VVD and Ruben are great but haven’t scored that well recently, Jesus again is a great player on the pitch but his return is just fine for a striker, Ramsey, Gibbs white and Bowen are all exciting players but you’ll be hoping they don’t all score in the same GW and then do nothing all together for the next 3. Bruno is the star here and the other lights definitely do not shine as bright but they still shine….a bit. Rotation and luck is really going to be the key of consistent scoring for this team.
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Mary FC
Draft Position 6
Grade B-
Expectation Playoff push
First XI
Ramsdale
Chilwell
Romero
Aguerd
Grealish
Rashford
Barnes
Buendia
Johnson
Casemiro
Darwin
Keeper
2 keepers here with Mary taking a punt on a potential Arsenal 1-2 in Ramsdale and Raya which shouldn’t cause too much issue as I imagine there’ll be defined competition roles at the club so yeah great stuff. Only downside is nailing his keeper points to the Arsenal mast so if they hit a sticky patch he has no one where else to go.
Defence
Defence consists of Chilwell who is a dream of a FFY player until be misses his customary 4 months of the season, Romero probably will keep his place but I feel Spuds may be chaos this season and Aguerd highlights he doesn’t have a fantastic range of options in defence. Tete, Semedo and Chilwell back up Cucurella provide cover in what should be quite a worrying defence for Mary. There is no where to hide and very probably not a lot of points to be gained. The fact he’s already asking about inter club transfers shows he’s not happy but what do you expect from a man who uses another leagues draft information to decide anything. Prick.
Midfield
What Mary lacks number wise in defence he more than makes up for with bang average ‘oh fuck 3 times?’ midfielders. Grealish and Rashford are great, Barnes and Buendia have the potential to do well, Johnson at Forest should provide a decent return but the fact Casemiro(DMF) is in the starting XI should tell all. Enciso (I like a lot but how much will be play?) Brownhill, Schlupp, Doucoure (DMF), Kovacic and Adingra complete the 12 man midfield and I expect Mary to play a 6 quite a lot with probably only 3 of those as locked in starters.
Forwards
Up top Darwin leads the line which could be inspired or could be regretful as it was an early pick, Toney could be a very important player come the end of his suspension especially as he’ll have a point to prove, Morris is an unknown and McBurnie hardly pulled up trees the last time he was in the league but who knows. Normally this collection of strikers would be disgusting to be honest but truth is with such a lack of quality up front this should be just fine.
Overall
It’s ok, Rashford, Chilwell and Darwin will have all eyes on them to push this team forward and any injuries to one of those 3 will cause a lot of damage to this teams output. The main criticism here is probably squad balance as there’s a lot of pressure on the midfield to win games because there just isn’t the depth or quality in the other two positions.
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TSFC
Draft Position 7
Grade C-
Expectation Challenging for the Goober
First XI
Pope
Colwill
Wan-Bissaka
Porro
Veltman
Saka
Sterling
Foden
Sancho
Rice
Gakpo
Keeper
Lee’s gone for Pope again who is always a solid keeper whether he’s making too many saves or behind a resolute defence so can’t knock that. He’s taken a punt on Verbruggen who has been brought in at Brighton to replace half of Rudi’s keeper department and I’m very confident Lee will be enjoy a beautiful chicken meal come the end of the season.
Defence
Defence is ……suspect. Colwill is a punt as he’s only had 1 good season at Brighton playing a very particular formation and role but now’s he back at Chelsea so it could all go horribly wrong. AWB sort made himself first choice at united last season but will rotate with dalot a fair amount. Fuck knows what Porro is going to do at spuds under their new manager but Veltman is a relatively safe bet. Away from those 4 we have Roberts, Doughty, Zouma and Pau. Pau and villa might be the one to watch but aside from that it’s a poor list of players especially as I thought Schade was a defender and not a midfieldr….not that he would improve the list in any way.
Midfield
The plan was to go big on midfield harkening back to previously semi successful seasons but that sort of fell away quite quickly even though 11 midfielders make up this squad. A very British core of Saka and Sterling should be good points getters especially as Sterling feels a player Poch will build around and Starboy is just a fucking joy. Foden could be in line for a run in the team now Mahrez has gone, Sancho started to show he might just remember how to play football towards the back end of last season and Rice carries the grand DMF tradition of this league. The other 6 mooks are Anthony, Schade, Ayew, McNeil, Norwood and Emile ‘I’m actually more talented than Saka’ Smith Rowe who returns from a season long injury recovery loan at Atletico Tiny. This midfield may work but I’m not sure and to be fair TSFC were 7th so you’ve got to start taking risks.
Forwards
Up front could be frustrating. Gakpo will be forever rotated although his points tally towards the end of last season was alright for 5 months in the league, Mitrovic is currently still a Fulham player until he inevitably isn’t but worth a late punt, Cunha cost Volves £44m apparently and no cuntha under the sun has heard of him and Lee finally got his man Awoniyi after cruelly missing out last year.
Overall
I’ve got no real idea what to make of this squad but I know Lee wasn’t best pleased and mentally dialled out of the draft after about Round 5. I think there could be a real lack of points in defence, 4 of the 5 starting midfielders are all aiming/expected to be scoring and assisting in every game whilst Mitrovic leaving would leave the striking department very light in numbers and thin on talent. Saka, Smith Rowe and Rice all in the same squad is bloody lovely though.
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Whoopi’s Wanderers
Draft Position 8
Grade C-
Expectation Gooberville
First XI
Leno
Henry
Shaw
Young
Baldock
KDB
Havertz
Mitoma
Mac Allister
Kulu
Edouard
Keeper
Leno is this man’s sole keeper, fuck backups, fuck alternatives, fuck injuries just fuck wasting limited squad space on some mook who won’t play. Love it. Maverick behaviour at it’s best especially as I don’t think 1 keeper has ever worked out for anyone ever but Warren loves to fly in the face of convention.
Defence
This is ok, no wait it’s not but 8th pick and all. Henry and Shaw are decent pickups, Young is somehow still playing football and is now plying his trade under Dyche, Baldock is a lovely sentiment wrapped up a defensive clusterfuck and elsewhere we have Cash, Lockyer, Bueno, Cancelo and Coufal. Don’t be fooled by the last two names, Cancelo is all but gone and Coufal seemed to lose his place last season. Cash is not an Emery fav and lord knows about the other two but I did read good things about Lockyer but that’s like being the best raisin in a pack of raisins whilst knowing the best raisin will be the worst part of a Chocolate, nut and raisin mix.
Midfield
Midfield could be very strong here with all eyes on Havertz and whether he can match Xhaka’s output for L’Arse (what a sentence), KDB is just KDB irrespective of his mounting injury worries, Mitoma has a lot of prove so not to be a flash in the pan but he was electric for portions of last season, Mac Allister will thrive at Liverpool but will probably have to give up penalty duties and Kulu has the potential to fly again now Spurs don’t have that fraud Conte in charge. Christie, Chukw, Guimaraes (DMF), Danilo (DMF), Benrahma, McGinn and Gallagher make up a record 12 midfielders with my main fear being a lot of those are DMFs (obvs) or ball carriers and not necessarily scorers or assisters.
Forwards
Up front is banterville. When Edouard is as good as it gets you’re in trouble. Also fighting for the no.9 spot is JfuckingRod and Neil Maupay who will go down as the worst striker to ever grace the Premier League. Blows my mind that he’s still employed, the thief.
Overall
Ah Wally, man just loves to make things difficult for himself doesn’t he? Let’s overcomplicate a draft by just watching the spreadsheet instead of coming on for a chat with the lads, if only he had a new computer which could handle zoom and google sheets at the same time….. Midfield could be his saving grace this season as it looks strong, big and with genuine options but having to rack up 3 appearance for all of them could be sticky. Defence is made to look better by how appalling that strike force is. Awful but this is also Wally and absolutely anything and everything is possible with this guy.
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Ed of Clarke CF
Draft Position 9
Grade B-
Expectation Challenging for Mid Table Mediocrity
First XI
Pickford
White
Dalot
Burn
Jota
Eze
Gross
Billing
Paqueta
Watkins
Jackson
Keeper
Ed has completely reasonably gone for 2 keepers with Pickford taking the lead and his understudy Big John Virginia his backup, as with Mary this guarantees appearance points near on every week but putting your balls on one particular chin all season can be worry if their not feeling very hungry that week.
Defence
Burn, White and Dalot should all be good picks with Dalot and White maybe giving him a few selection headaches but equally I imagine they’ll both make appearances even when not starting. If Newcastle can be as defensively solid as last season then Burn will be printing points. It gets a bit darker from here though with Davies, Kilman and Badiashile completing the sextet with big question marks hanging over their heads as to whether they are starters for their clubs or not. Probably can err on the side of not.
Midfield
Midfield brings us Jota, Eze, Gross, Billing and probably Paqueta in the line up with Jota being restored to his midfield brilliance, Eze still not hitting the totals you’d really want from him and Gross trying to prove last season wasn’t the outlier of a fair to middling career output so far. On the bench we have Janelt, Benson, BDCR, Rodrigo (DMF), Fleck, Garnacho and Elliot which is not very exciting at all but at 9th pick when is the squad ever exciting?
Forwards
Up top we have Watkins who really found his feet under Emery last season, an unknown in Nigel Miss Jackson of Chelsea, some lad called Adebayo, Dennis (lol) and Vinicius who might see more game time this year if Mitrovic gets his Saudi pay day dream. Watkins saves this lot and Jackson could be a surprise win so all in all not a bad list for 9th pick.
Overall
As stated Ed is 9th pick so we have to view this squad build slightly differently to those that come before it and with that in mind it’s not that bad. I think the First XI can go toe to toe with near on anyone in the league and there’s space to rotate those who just need 3 appearances throughout the season without his overall score suffering. Could probably have balanced his midfield and defence a bit better but you’ve got to take what’s available rather than what you want down that end of the draft. I do this every year though, give Ed some love, appreciate the squad he’s created and then watch him battle it out for the Goober so what the hell do I know?
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CBA FC
Draft Position 10
Grade C
Expectation Challenging for the Goober
First XI
Henderson
Zinky Winky
Stones
Varane
Akanji
Son
Almiron
Szoboszial
Tielemans
Mudryk
Joao Pedro
Keepers
Feel like Chris may have a keeper problem this season with Turner heading to Notts Forest it probably kills a move for Henderson especially as he lost his place during his loan spell there which means he’ll be left with the back up Notts forest keeper Horvath and the back up Man Utd keeper. For once we have a man who could probably have benefitted from having 4 fucking keepers.
Defence
This is lovely though, well on paper and irl for sure. Zinky Winky is a lovely player when not injured, Stones, Varane and Akanji are all top end defenders but also prime candidates to be randomly rotated. Pinnock, Tarks, Lowe and Gomez complete the set and the less said here the better.
Midfield
Midfield could be good as one would expect Son’s performances to return to his pre Cunte form, Almiron whilst purple patchy has been more consistent as of late, Szobozo is Chris all over, Tielemans might be better at Villa than a rancid Leicester and Mudryk can’t be any worse. 24 year old journey man Kluivert, Doucoure (DMF), Wilson, Nakamba, Soucek (DMF), Matheus, Lo Celso and Jones fill out this squad with only Lo Celso potentially having the ability to knock on the first teams door.
Forwards
Up front is a struggle if I’m being honest. Joao Pedro is the best of a bad bunch but falls under the ‘Why?’ category for me, Weghorst is just shit and, oh, that’s it. Chris is fucked.
Overall
I was feeling relatively positive about this squad under we took it under the microscope and in all honesty I don’t think there’s much hope. He’ll be lucky to see 5 goals between his strikers this season so there’s a lot of emphasis on his midfield bringing him the much needed points especially when Varane and Zinky winky are injured and Akanji and Stones are being rotated to death. Still not dreadful from 10th.
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